This whole thing started one day while I was walking my daughter through our local gardens. It was a beautiful day and I felt as though I didn’t have a care in the world. Was my mind racing, yes, it always was. Did I feel tense, you bet, but I usually did. But those things never stopped me from feeling happy and enjoying what’s in front of me.
But today my body had apparently had enough of operating at this frequency and decided to fire a shot across the bow.
At first, I thought it might have been a heart attack. I had had heart issues in the past and it was common in my family. But apart from the overwhelming and odd sensation in my sternum/stomach area there wasn’t any other symptoms to say this was the case.
The overall sensation was more like some had turned my power level down to about 4 instead of the usual 10. During the episode I ended up taking an involuntary knee.
No, the Dr explained, after asking a few questions and the covering all the basis. This was most likely an Anxiety attack. “Rubbish” I said. After all I had been through at the age of 40 I wasn’t having this. I was (and still am) confident and happy as. No way did I consider that my lifestyle was high stress – it had been that way for so long that I considered it normal.
But when he walked me through some of the other symptoms associated with anxiety attacks a few bells starting to ring. The increase in nightmares, the edginess that had been there for years and just a general feeling of tension. Was I happy, hell yea. But things weren’t right and now years of huge upheaval and change in my life had caught up with me. Today with the benefit of hindsight I can say that it had probably been coming for a while.
After working through my denial and taking the opportunity to review where I was at in my chaotic life I figured I had better have another conversation with the Dr to see what my options were. In the order given the recommendations were as follows.
- Medication long term (his preference)
- Medication short term (manage the spikes – not his preference)
- Mindfulness – Meditation
Given that I had been meditating for the last 5 years he was basically saying – here are some highly addictive drugs and go for a run…
Medication scared the shit out of me. I had watched too many sharp and witty friends become blunt from medication and I had and still have strong feelings about how medications are handed out as a cure all for everything without actually dealing with the cause. So as a result I never went near it.
The Cause Of My Anxiety.
It was undeniable that my anxiety attack/s was related to how I had been living. Drinking most nights had kept a lid on it but with the benefit of hindsight a massive career change, moving city’s and then countries, having a baby and “retiring” from weekend sport in a three-year window (and a lot of other things we won’t get into today) plus drinking every night was a fair bit for anyone to deal with.
How I Manage my Anxiety Today.
So off I went. The first run was a nightmare and I can’t articulate with words how much it sucked.
While I was reacquainting myself with my running shoes I had also made an online order. My first ever tincture of CBD oil was on the way from the USA. I had heard all the stories about CBD and its effects, and I was keen to give it a go. Expensive, yes. Worth it, absolutely.
Well it’s been over a year now and with regular running, meditation (Thanks to the Mindfulness App From Sam Harris) and the occasional use of my CBD tincture I have had almost no symptoms.
It’s not that my life has calmed down either. Life is still coming at me, just as it does for everyone.
I think the best way I can describe how CBD has effected my anxiety is to say that I normally operate at 4 (4 = calm) and when I am anxious I operate at an 8 what the CBD allows me to do quickly is get back down to a far more manageable 6 or 7 almost instantly. From that level I can manage it with meditation, breathing or even just a walk/run.
I believe if I had gone down the route my Dr suggested that I would still be on those drugs today, he had told me as much. But with the help of CBD when life gets extra curly I can stay level and keep a clear head.
So that where this website comes in. Its really just a summary of my research and a bit about my journey. To me it seems criminal and archaic that this plant oil remains illegal and even worse frowned upon.
In addition to that with the upcoming referendum in New Zealand I wanted this blog site to serve as a place of reference for information around CBD, it’s story and its uses.
So please enjoy and feel free to hit me up with anything you think should be added. I have much more to add.